5 Behaviours To STOP ROMANTICISING In Fiction

Fiction impacts lives. You can't call something "just a story" because it isn't. Stories have messages, intentional or unintentional, and the readers will be affected. Sometimes, it's obvious. Sometimes, it's not so obvious.

When you're writing something, it's important to make sure you're intentional about your content. While it's okay to write from a perspective you don't agree with, you need to make sure you're framing it with intent.

The following topics on this list are objectively bad. I'm not saying never ever write a story that has this in it, because that's wrong. Everything here has a place in fiction. What I am saying is that you should not romanticise them.

I have seen them many, many times in fiction. It's horrifying how some of them are portrayed to be good for you. Like you should wish to go through it.

Yeah nah, mate. It's painful. You don't want to experience any of these, and you don't want to encourage anyone to experience this. So here's five behaviours to stop romanticising in fiction.

Let's get to!

(Trigger warning.)

1. Toxic relationships

Romantic or platonic relationships, there's a lot of misconceptions on what's cute, what's boring and what's not appropriate. What platonic relationships don't feature, romantic relationships often do it ten-fold.

Here's a list of common behaviours that are not okay:

Cheating. If the character falls out of love with someone, break up with them. It's not hard.
Power imbalance. This one is more for romantic relationships. Partners may have different roles in life, but the way they treat each other has to be as equals. One shouldn't be dictating the other's actions. One shouldn't idealise their partner to the point of worship. Take a note out of this ancient Celtic vow.
Controlling. Each person in the relationship is an individual. They have their own rights. Their partner shouldn't force their ideals on them.
Over protective to the point of paranoia. There's a difference between being concerned for the character's partner's safety and looking over their shoulder every step of their lives.
Narcissistic behaviour. This one speaks for itself. It shouldn't even be a relationship.
Jealousy. It's natural to feel a little bit jealous, even if it's not a good thing. But when the character is forcing all their time upon their partner, that's not cool.

This is in no way an exhaustive list. There are soooooo many more behaviours that aren't mentioned. If you have any more ideas, put them in the comments below!

While these may seem like exciting ways to amp up the conflict, don't do it unless you're working to fight it. Even if it might not seem steamy to you, having healthy relationships with mutual trust, wanting to be together and open communication is a valid option.

2. Abuse

There are three main types of abuse: physical, mental and emotional. Each of them are just as destructive, so don't start thinking playing mind games is harmless.

Abuse will strongly affect a character for a significant amount of time. Sometimes, it will show effects for a lifetime. It's possible that they will feel the effects until they ask for professional support, and then some.

There are many forms of abuse. For specifics, I recommend looking at psychological resources because they will be more helpful than I will.

Your character won't always want to get out of an abusive situation because that's evidence of the abuse. Any caring and/or insightful character will want to get that character out.

It's not pretty. I heard one story where a girl was hospitalised because her father flipped out on her. Another story shows a young adult being utterly dependent on their ex-partner because they were raised to have no individuality.

One thing I think it important to distinguish is intentional abuse and unintentional abuse. Don't get me wrong, abuse is wrong no matter the intent. But it's good to realise that even the best meaning people may hurt you. Make the character realise their mistake and grow from it.

Abuse is never right. It's not something to idealise. If one character is constantly going into someone else's personal space, especially after being told, that's abuse. If one character is being talked down on constantly, that's abuse.

3. Death and suicide

Death should never be glorified. Even if it's the bad guy. It's ultimate. It's final. You wouldn't wish a loved one dead. It hurts.

One thing that is particularly concerning is romanticising suicide. A character trying to take their own life should not be a good thing. It harms both the person trying to take their own life and the people around them.

I've never read Twilight, but a friend told me that Bella almost drowned herself out of grief when her bae dies. Death isn't a way out. It's an unhealthy reaction to have. The healthy reaction would be to mourn and heal.

Likewise, advocating for murder is also wrong. Genocide, war, fighting, you get the point. Killing someone for the first time has a huge impact on your wellbeing, unless for some reason, your character is a sadist. But that links back to the disclaimer in the intro.

Even the death of a villain should be handled sensitively. Particularly with contemporary stories, justice and the law is an option. It can also provide many more sources of conflict. Isn't that juicy?

4. Pain, injury and illness

While reading stories from people who have been diagnosed with mental illness and have been seeing a counsellor, I came across this one quote that struck me. I don't know who the source is, so leave a comment if you happen to know! This is the quote paraphrased:

"When you've been depressed or anxious for a long time, and you start getting better, you may find yourself wishing you were still depressed or anxious. This is a very dangerous thing. You think that you've lost part of your identity. If you give in to this desire, you're hindering your growth."

Pain, injury and illness hurt. It's in its name. Many people who experience this sometimes wish they always have it. Sometimes for the reason in the quote, but also because they are familiar with the feeling and it feels weird without it, or maybe because they feel the need to justify some internal conflict.

Already some people wish for these to come upon them. Don't make it worse by having characters wish for these things simply because they think it's cool.

Punishment should never be wished upon someone, even the character on themselves. It can have lasting effects. It's a serious topic that should be handled responsibly.

5. Bad habits

Here's a list of common habits that aren't good:

Smoking.
Taking non-medicinal drugs, overdosing, etc.
Addiction.
Self harm.
Gambling.

Yet many authors portray these as cool. Spoiler alert, it's not. Again, there's many more that should be on this list, and would, if not for my human brain power.

In the first ever YA book I read, the love interest was an addict and took drugs. They were used to make the love interest "hot". At that time, I wasn't super exposed to the full meaning of this, but even then, I knew it wasn't good.

These exact topics are hurting many individuals, families, friends out there. It could be tearing relationships apart.

Do not promote them. In this day and age, we know from research and experience the terrible effects it can have. It's not healthy, don't romanticise it.

~

So there's five behaviours that should not be romanticised in fiction. I'm going to repeat my disclaimer and say that there's a time and place to write about this. But they should never be written as if they're a good thing.

This is not an exhaustive list. I'm sure there are other things I'm missing. If you have any suggestions, leave a comment below! Do you agree or disagree with this list? Do you have anything to add?

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